By Katie Pease

America has a lot of problems. Homelessness, abuse, broken homes, illness, a suffering education system, and a “reformed” health care system, to name a few. But for 3 minutes and 56 seconds, this woman opened my eyes to the real problem: children who suffer through the pain of living with dial-up internet. 1 in 5 children helplessly bang their head against their desk every day as they sit in agony, watching the hourglass thingy flip around waiting for their pages to load. These are not just statistics; these are people. Children, no less! We must save the children. They are the future. And if they can’t Tweet at least 100 megabits per second, then they will not graduate from high school. They won’t go to college. They will wind up roaming the streets, buying and selling drugs, joining gangs and murdering other innocent children who are wandering the streets while they wait for their pages to load. It’s a vicious cycle that must be stopped. But don’t worry. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s the government! The National Broadband Plan will fix this “digital divide” by delivering broadband to 100 million homes, using magical fairy dust and that thing called your money.

Remember the days when we used to read those things called books? Perhaps little Jimmy can take a trip to the taxpayer funded public library to do his homework. Although I would hate to imply that we actually teach our children to use those old dusty things. It borders on child abuse to expect such a commitment to education.

Has it really come to this? What do you think about this speech? Are you fighting back tears or is your head about to explode? Please log in and share your thoughts below.